Lost in a Place of My Devise Summer 2006 Staggering across the glacial plain Frigid air of ash and dust Jagged splinters are all I gain Suddenly, I can't breathe Shrouded in darkness lying here Lurid frame of past and present Ragged intake as daemons leer Suddenly, I've been followed Lest at long last this be the image of my fear It is not as if I deceive myself to what I feel It is not as if I perceive this hell as something real I know the strength of the illusions in my head But it's just a bit disturbing to see them sitting on my bed Somehow, they invaded And still we didn't notice Throughout, they pervaded Until they started taxing bliss Struggling over the surreal plane Rigid stair to wind and climb Defined pathways to meet my bane Strangely, I can't flee Summoned to crooked sojourn here Fevered claim of truth and intent Resigned furor through portals peer Strangely, I've seen worse This at full face will not ghosts concrete even near It is not as if I believe evil to cause each bump It is not as if I relieve some fancy as I jump I know the weight of the creations that I've made But it's not something expected to bear the conflict when they raid Defense, infiltrated And we've noted reign within Entrapped, never sated Funny how we're so alien Ostracize, parodize, fantasize, painted eyes Patronize, sympathize, penalize, death defies Subsidize, scandalize, analyze, sin denies Capitalize, industrialize, scrutinize, put on ice There are places in the mind Sacred, untouched, that should never endure trespass To one's self ought they be confined As precious a sanctuary as the chapel before mass It is not as if I deceive myself to what I feel It is not as if I perceive this hell as something real I know the strength of the illusions in my head But it's just a bit disturbing to see them sitting on my bed Defense, infiltrated And we've noted reign within Entrapped, never sated Funny how we're so alien Bound by Old Laws January 30, 2007 I have broken the first of these laws In my folly I've commited Idolatry I've slipped headlong into Satan's jaws I've put hubris first, immortality I have broken the second as well I glorified the revelry of the stars I even portrayed the demons of Hell All this knowing of Heaven's wars I have broken the third one also In the depths of my mind I've whispered prayers For the powers of darkness I dared to follow Though as a child I caught a glimpse of Bethel's stairs I have broken the fourth commandment I denied the truth of God's power I even blaspehemed in debasement Perhaps equal to Babel's tower I have broken the fifth of these too The Lord's day forgotten or defiled Every week I do these things anew The Sabbath desecrated or reviled I have broken the sixth and dishonoured In rebellion and defiance I have excelled Ignorant of guidance and untethered In carnal anarchy I have reveled I have broken the seventh of these In my heart slaughter I've schemed In rage-filled fantasy I killed with ease Even in my sleep tis murder I've dreamed I have broken the eight law and theft Ideas, merits, and favours unfairly Things and information of others I've kept And yet all these unscathed though narrowly I have broken the ninth, almost last Deception and falsehood in abundance sown The mania and masks mounted high in my past Lies of the worst kind I have ever known I have broken the tenth, one and all My jealousy and envy are great indeed This last coveting shall surely apall For the seat of gods is my imagined need Affliction January 30, 2007 Pleasure is my sickness My drug and my sin Pretend I'm to witness While I'm black within Pleasure is a tonic Soothing my desire Now it's getting chronic Building high the fire Pleasure is my grievance My euphoric here I beg deliverance While inside I leer Pain is my addiction My crime and reward Loose sadistic passion While blaspheming Lord Pain is a murder My blood on my hands Drowning in my fervor Myself the quicksands Pain is my affliction Self-destruction there Pressing my condition To forget my care Pleasure is an illness My pains are a sin What now is my witness It's worn so very thin No wonder I can't sleep No wonder I feel guilt My dreams were once so deep Now see Babel I've built A tribute to fornication An affront to all I know A model in desecration Now wonder why it doesn't show... The more I lust, the more I'll fall Someday maybe I won't rise at all I'll rest and never wake Punished finally for my means The way'd I'd oft liberate Of all my lecherous needs By All Hours January 30, 2007 By dawn, the fantasy has Become a nightmare that betrays; Dreaming of restoring bliss, From reality my mind strays. By morn, the wakefulness has Brought to light my crazed ambition; The value of hubris judged By desire in my volition. By noon, the appetite has Begun to echo roles I've played; As I long for redemption, From the sinful abyss I've made. By day, the indulgence has Started up its siren tempting, For masochistic risks to Numb the brand of marks more lasting. By dusk, the afternoon has Left me craving my daily dose, Addicted to my despair, Needing my fix of the morose. By eve, the abandonment has Dulled in the loss of my content, Not satisfied to settle Search for purpose again intent. By night, the decision has Fallen to some senseless escape; To waste in forgetfulness, Just listless beneath the seascape. By dark, the company has Turned into futile hopes and ghosts; As I speak and haunt the past, Wish to regain what my heart hosts. By sleep, the daybreaking has Drawn so much closer than I'd like; Uneasy rest bringing dreams, Of all I'd rather forget, good and bad alike.